Discord Unsolicited DM Policy - (Ask before DM)

The History

The Chaster Discord server has a room "ask-to-dm". This room was created in a time where Discord had no support to allow users to control the flow of messages into their inbox. The primary motivation was to reduce inbox spam via a policy system, and was used both inside kink communities, and other regular vanilla communities. In a kink context, there is a secondary motivation of asking permission to DM a user, in the context of a D/s dynamic. The Chaster discord established roles which can be selected to indicate if a user is (a) willing to accept DM’s from anyone, or (b) Wants to have a DM request in this room or (c) Does not want to receive DM’s at all.

The Problem

Some users don’t know about this system, and on occasion send a DM to a person who expects to receive a request for a DM in the ask room first. Also, you may have two people with multiple shared servers, with participants expressing DM preferences in one or both servers. Discord lets you block all unsolicited DM’s from specific servers or as a general preference, but there has been no request feature in Discord in the past.

Messasge Requests

Discord has rolled out a new ‘Message Requests’ feature. Basically, this is a Discord-wide feature, where requests to DM appear in a special folder in Discord which allows you to accept or reject DM interaction from someone new. This allows users to avoid undesirable content, and still gate other valid requests to interact with someone new.

D/s Dynamics and Chaster Rules

With the availability of this new feature, Chaster has removed its rules relating to enforcement of requests to DM and other DM preferences, with users now able to self administer their preferences. However, there is still a D/s element to DM requests. We have decided to keep "ask-to-dm" to facilitate this dynamic. However, it is up to each individual to control who they will interact with, and under what conditions. The Chaster moderation team will not be moderating DM preferences, and will instead direct users to utilise the built-in discord capabilities.

Setting up DM Preferences

Global Settings (for all Discord Servers)

1. Go to Preferences

2. Go to Privacy and Safety

3.1. Enable or disable direct messages from server members. If you disable, you have the opportunity to apply this preference to ALL discord servers.

3.2. If you prefer, allow direct messages and enable message requests

Server Specific Settings (just for Chaster Discord Server)

1. Click chaster in the Discord app, and select Privacy Settings

2.1. Enable or disable direct messages from server members.

2.2. If you prefer, allow direct messages and enable message requests

Conclusion

While we have the “ask before DM” flag, there is no longer a rule for this role in Discord. The old “ask-to-dm” room still exists. We kept it deliberately. Some people still use this for D/s purposes. However, there is no rule around its use. Discord introduced "Message Requests" allowing users to screen DM messages directly in discord. If you require screening before interacting in DM, we suggest you turn on this feature.

The only remaining DM-related rule is if you get approached by a FinDom holder. This is still against our rules and will be enforced if reported.

Updated on: 12/05/2025